Thank you, Aq Baron, whoever you are, for posting scanned images of the Mercury News police blotter for Atherton, CA--the town that lard built. It is famous today, by virtue of being the second most expensive city in America.
Here is at least a sampling of what was recently reported to the police:
Coghlan Lane, 7:33 p.m. Friday: A woman told police someone was at her door and that when she asked who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determine the stranger outside had delivered package (sic).
Heritage Court, 12:44 a.m. Thursday: A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious and breathing.
El Camino Real and Selby Lane, 12:19 a.m. Friday: A pedestrian was reported not to be doing anything strange other than wearing black pants and a white dress shirt while walking at an odd hour.
Greenoaks Drive, 7:59 p.m. Monday: A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in some sort of distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.
Euchlid Avenue 4:24 p.m., Sunday: Police assisted a male who stepped out onto a balcony and had the door close behind him.
Fletcher Drive, 2:31 a.m. Sunday: A resident heard multiple gunshots. Police responded and found a box of used fireworks.
Valparaiso and Elena Avenues, 4:14 p.m. Thursday: A person reported seeing a golf cart-type vehicle full of juveniles not using seat belts.
(in nearby Redwood City) Cove lane, 12:37 a.m. Thursday: Ten racoons were reported to be "loitering" near a Dumpster(sic).
Rebecca Lane, 10:57 a.m. Monday: Someone dug a hole in the street.
Queens Court, 4:24 a.m. Tuesday: A resident told police a vehicle passed her house two times within the past five minutes.
Holbrook Lane, 10:39 p.m. Monday: A man in a white truck reported to be whistling and possibly casing the area was contacted and determine to be seeking his dog.
Sheerer Drive, 3:18 p.m. Sunday: A person was reprimanded for picking fruit from trees on a vacant property.
Isabella Avenue and El Camino Real, 11:55 p.m. Saturday: About eight teens were reported to be running around the street without shirts, pants down and underwear showing. Police responded and found none half-dressed.
200 block of Oak Grove Avenue, 3:04 p.m. Thursday: A male was reported to be lying on the ground, possibly writing.
Greenoaks Drive, 4:03 p.m. Tuesday: A resident called police about his recyclable containers. He said someone had tipped them over.
Burns Avenue, 7:08 p.m. Saturday: A resident asked for help finding a lost cat.
Irving Avenue, 7:47 a.m. Tuesday: A landlord/tenant dispute involving "assault with frozen food" was reported.
Kilroy Way, 10 a.m. Monday: The legitimacy of two members of a religious group was questioned by a resident who told police that both were wearing business suits and associated with a blue van.
Selby Lane, 8:27 p.m. Monday: Passers-by reportedly threw something at a couple who were gardening, yelled profanities at them and made racial comments.
Selby Lane and Shearer Drive, 11:40 a.m. Monday: An elderly woman who seemed lost and confused assured police that she knew her way home.
150 Valparaiso Ave., 6:01 a.m. Tuesday: A man on campus at Sacred Heart School reportedly followed a janitor around and asked odd questions.
Emile Avenue, 1:26 p.m. Saturday: To prevent further complaints, a resident volunteered to remove a chair hanging from a tree.
100 block of Heather Drive, 8:36 p.m. Wednesday: Someone rang a person's doorbell and disappeared. Police responded and found a delivered package on the doorstep.
Conlcusion: If you're considering a visit to Atherton, avoid Shelby Lane and El Camino Real, where gangs of fully-clothed teens "run around", black-panted and white-shirted pedestrians do "nothing strange" other than walk at odd hours, passerby's throw things, yell profanities and make racial "comments", and a seemingly lost and confused elderly woman will chillingly assure you she knows her way home.
Also, consider going on a Wednesday, where the only thing you need to worry about is the "Delivery Bandit", who will not rob you, but will leave a package on your doorstep.
What's the least criminal activity you've ever reported to the police?
Comments and responses to Joe Hubris.